2018-04-02

Key Note, Joelle 의 묵상 에세이.

"Grief"

Accepting the differences... It is not easy for me. It troubles me when replacing things that I have spent lots of time with. It takes time to become familiar with the things and changing that at a moment is like facing the unfamiliar fear. It scares me when all of sudden I feel the unfamiliar vibe from the things that I am used to for vast amount of time. When the light shines and like the sharp edge of knife, it seems like it will tear me apart. When I hear the sound that comforts me, I remember the accomplishments made together but with a sudden flicker everything feels so different.

I come to realization when I calmly hold my hand. The small details and stories from the past is back in its place which is deeply taking place in my heart.Withal the sudden flash of shining light which hurts my eyes causes temporary blindness. It is clear when I close my eyes and think. Is it possible for the coldness to take over and cover up everything? I was just a bit startled and in low spirit for momentarily. After I’m daunted, I start to face myself and the old stories that have been with me so far. It looks familiar and when I follow its trace it looks similar to me. Again, I am more startled. The sharp and flash of light appears toshine from the anxiety that I have been dealing with. In the end, it’s me. I am taken aback because of myself. The realization of the differences yet rooted from similarity shocks me like a frightened child. I cry out looking for someone, hoping to run away and hide. I still cry out even if I clearly know that there won’t be anyone out there to help. Besides I already know from the past experiences that even the whining won’t help breaking the flow.
Father God’s timing and his perspective is always perfect. When we look around with His eyes, it shows the right way in right time. Although everyone has different stories, in the end our God who is so true and trust-worthy respects us as each one and calls us one. Eventually, human exists from the root of familiarity which is the work of God’s hand in creating us.

Sharing aspects of different tendencies within me can’t make head or tails. What could I hold unto and let go of? In Jesus Christ, I could embrace, understand, and accept everything.

For this is thankworthy, if a man for conscience toward God endure grief, suffering wrongfully.

[1 Peter 2:19]

:: Credit
All Song Writing Key Note
Piano, Writer Key Note
Voice Joelle
Recording & Mixing & Mastering Key Note